Step Seven
The Seventh Step in the Recovery Journey
7. Humbly Requested Him to Eliminate Our Shortcomings
For an extended period, our most significant character flaw was our addiction, which has now been subdued. It's under control, and we no longer experience two common symptoms of addiction: The inability to control our actions once we begin (physical) and the powerlessness to stay away from the initial instance despite the necessity or desire (mental). Our yearning for a deeper connection with our Creator through practical engagement in The Twelve Steps addresses the third symptom: Restlessness, irritability, and dissatisfaction (spiritual). However, recovery from this spiritual ailment is a continuous journey. We exist in a state of recovery because we have escaped the seemingly hopeless state of body and mind. If we halt the necessary actions to maintain a spiritual life, the internal ailment will resurface. If left unchecked, the mind will start suggesting that indulging in alcohol or drugs will improve the situation. Consequently, our dependency on substances will relapse, and we'll begin exhibiting our most detrimental character flaw.
Following this reasoning, it makes sense that the same principle applies to all our character defects. They can be managed by living a spiritual lifestyle, but like our addiction, if we stray from this path, they will reemerge and take control. The Big Book highlights that selfishness and self-centeredness are at the core of our issues and represent two of our significant shortcomings. It also mentions that we can't significantly reduce our self-centeredness through mere wishing or personal effort. We require divine assistance. Therefore, we can't eliminate our character defects or practice their opposites, but we can adopt the lifestyle depicted in The Big Book. This foundational lifestyle fosters an environment where being selfish, arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic, and judgmental is incompatible with our new way of life, sobriety, or freedom. All we can do is humbly offer ourselves to our Creator, asking Him to remove what we find undesirable in our character. The refinement of our character is left to Him and how He manifests through us.
During my initial journey through the steps, Step Six passed swiftly and somewhat abruptly — I struggled to distinguish it from Step Seven. Reflecting back, it seems as though I took both steps concurrently. My sponsor asked, "Are you willing?" and I responded, "Yes." He then guided me to review the list of broad and general defects identified during my fifth step. This list included selfishness, dishonesty, jealousy, envy, and inconsideration. Being willing, I asked God to remove them in Step Seven, and we proceeded to Step Eight. Don't get me wrong, it was precisely how I was meant to approach the step, but since then, Step Six has revealed itself to be much deeper than my initial experience.
Step Seven is akin to Step Three but with a stronger commitment. Not only are we surrendering to Him and agreeing to be a testament of His Power in our lives, but we are also acknowledging that God is capable of changing or removing anything that hinders our usefulness to Him. The truth is, some of our most noticeable defects make us appealing and beneficial to others. Thus, they might not be removed, especially if they don't bother us. Ultimately, our defects lead us back to communion with God. What immense grace and mercy, as our struggles keep us seeking Him.
Around this time, I was introduced to the idea of revisiting the step work process, primarily the first nine steps. Given my significant suffering, I was quite open to this idea. My suffering included being easily irritated by most people, often feeling uneasy, and being dissatisfied with my life. In hindsight, it's clear that initially, the only real change was my willingness to do whatever was necessary to recover from addiction. Initially, little else about my character transformed because I wasn't fully ready. This marks the turning point for me. Step Six is not just about willingness, although that's crucial — it's about asking myself, am I entirely ready?
Over the past seven years, I've come to realize the importance and necessity of revisiting the first nine steps annually. Through this process, I've uncovered the distinction between willingness and being entirely ready. I've been willing to let go of many defects and shortcomings, but complete readiness only emerged once they became intolerable. The final flicker of a defect's perceived value must be extinguished before it becomes objectionable; otherwise, it persists. I've also found that defects are often removed while causing considerable pain and suffering.
