Step Six
The Sixth Phase in the Recovery Journey
6. Were Fully Prepared to Let God Eliminate All These Character Defects
In the Big Book, Step Six is succinctly presented after we finish Step Five, before we seek God's help in Step Seven to humbly ask for the removal of our flaws.
“If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all – every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”
My initial journey through the steps saw Step Six passing by swiftly and without much distinction — it was challenging to separate Step Six from Step Seven. In hindsight, it felt as if both steps were taken together. My sponsor inquired, “Are you willing?” and I replied, “Yes.” He then guided me to examine the list of broad and general defects that surfaced during my fifth step. This list included selfishness, dishonesty, jealousy, envy, and inconsideration. Being willing, I asked God to remove them in Step Seven, and we proceeded to Step Eight. Don’t get me wrong, this was exactly how the step was intended to be worked, but since then, Step Six has revealed itself to be far deeper than my initial encounter with it.
For the subsequent 18 months, when I heard fellow members say, “These are the steps (6 & 7) which separate the men from the boys,” I dismissed the remark and encouraged those individuals to actively help others work through the steps. Why did I demonstrate such hostility? I believe it stemmed from my inexperience with Step Six.
Around that period, I was introduced to the concept of revisiting the step work process, particularly the first nine steps. Experiencing significant distress, I found myself open to this idea. My distress manifested as: Frequently irritated by many, often uneasy, and discontent with my life. Reflecting back, it’s clear to me at the beginning: The only true change was my willingness to do whatever was necessary to recover from addiction. Initially, little else about my character changed because I was not fully prepared. This is the pivotal point for me. Step Six is not just about willingness, although that is essential — it’s about questioning myself, am I fully prepared?
Over the past 7 years, I’ve recognized the importance and necessity of revisiting the first 9 steps annually. Through this process, I discovered the distinction between willingness and being fully prepared. I’ve been willing to have many defects and shortcomings removed, but full preparedness only emerged when they became intolerable. The defect’s final glimmer of value must be extinguished before it becomes intolerable; otherwise, it will persist. I also realized defects are often removed amidst significant pain and suffering.
As long as we derive some benefit from the defects and/or shortcomings, they will persist. We will not be fully prepared and will struggle to ask God, with humility and sincerity, to remove them. We will continue to believe we can change ourselves. We become prepared when we recognize our complete inability to remedy the situation and change ourselves.
Allow me to conclude with this: My perspective has shifted regarding defects and shortcomings. These personal challenges are now viewed as blessings, and I thank God for them because it is He who refines my character through the pain caused by my defects and shortcomings. In essence, it is these very struggles which draw me back to communion with God. Without these challenges, we wouldn’t know where growth is necessary. Without the darkness of struggle, we wouldn’t appreciate the light of victory.
